I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I looked at my own cervix.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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