I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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