I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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