So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
