I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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