Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
