I didn't shave. On purpose
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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