In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
