Got a toothbrush?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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