how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
