I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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