Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
