I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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