My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize