My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
