it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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