:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
