***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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