some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
