Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize