I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize