normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
