went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
