What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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