She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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