weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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