I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize