I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
