my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Randomize
