Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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