he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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