You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
