it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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