did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It was like getting head from an anaconda
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
