he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
