great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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