The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
