my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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