I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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