You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
