honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
