I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
