WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
