We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
