I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Randomize