i just wanna soil my oats bro
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Randomize
