Having a random hookup so left but love u
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
