yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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