Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
