It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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