I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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