the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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