My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
