i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize