a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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