So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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