At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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