Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
