She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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