My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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