He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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