So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
only if we run a train.
done.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
