Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
