I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
