I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
