At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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