your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
