Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
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