Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i dont even know how to be here
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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