Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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