Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
