I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
