Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
