I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize